if it quirks..

then, I have done my job
May 13, 2023

13 | 1

January the 13th was a Friday.

Friday the 13th.

We went to get our marriage license.

I thought this day would be turned joyful.

Joyful and celebratory

Eyes shining for our future.

The day was grey, wet, rainy, chilly.

We were hopeful for the sunshine eventually to pierce through the clouds.

[It’s called the Sunshine State for a reason]

We arrived at 7:00 AM and the doors were already crowded.

People arriving for passports, immigration status, marriage licenses

…like us.

We didn’t make an appointment. Didn’t think I would need one.

Rookie mistake

They opened the office space and we all filed in to the waiting room.

10 windows and they opened 4

They began calling numbers.

More numbers

Time crawled by

Inched by

We didn’t get called

We had a number, but they skipped it

They serviced all those people who made the appointment online.

An hour later and we decided to play with the system that played with us.

I booked an appointment online for the exact time and date we were there.

“No same day appointments” the website screeched in red ink.

I submitted the ticket and marched to the kiosk to claim it.

The state would not toil with our future like that.

The moment the slip 101B hit my finger tips, it only took a few moments for the lady at the window to call it.

Five minutes later, two signatures, and one notary stamp, we had our license to wed.

“Not bad for a Friday the 13th,” I thought.

…

My mom sent a text at 3:30 PM.

“Mia Jo died.”

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April 15, 2023

Cringe #5

That crusty build up inside a neglected belly button.

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April 15, 2023

Cringe #4

Washing dishes in ice cold, stagnant water.

The bubbles are all deflated.

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April 1, 2023

Cringe #3

Finding a cockroach in your hair dryer.

How long has that been there?

And are there pieces of cockroach in your hair now?

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March 17, 2023

Cringe #2

Finger in the eye

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February 17, 2023

Cringe #1

Pulled your nail up from the nail bed.

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December 9, 2022

Ok, good night.

When it’s bedtime, daddy comes to the door. He won’t go further than the doorway.

He won’t come and touch my forehead or tuck me in the way that mommy does.

He stands awkwardly and says, “Ok, good night.”

With my chin popping out of the covers, I look at his silhouette trying to make out his face.

But all is shadow.

I say, “Good night, I love you daddy.”

The air shivers with silence as he shifts before responding,

“Ok.”

He turns and walks away to his room.

//

When you’re a kid, you can’t understand fully the hurt that a parent may be going through.

But you can understand that something is wrong.

And I slept fitfully asking what I could do to get more than just an ‘ok’

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com
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November 11, 2022

Asking is terrifying

She has a frog in her throat

The thing just caught

Croaking out, choking her petitions

Cat got her tongue

Asking for anything is not

Permitted, hissing when she petitions

Without permission

She won’t ask

She’ll try to tell you with sad, wide eyes

And wounded move away

When you don’t read from her looks

What she petitions

//

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October 7, 2022

chapel_ceiling

This is a place of peace.

A cathedral many would officially call it.

But when I stepped inside, I wasn’t here.

I was in another place, maybe another dimension.

Because here I knew that I was in the presence of something greater.

Something larger

Something extraordinary

Something enchanting

Something incomprehensible

Something ancient

But most importantly, something good.

I’m not talking about good like you describe a child that behaves.

I mean goodness.

Something that we can all agree is profound.

But that was a portal.

And I want nothing more than to cross through it.

//

There are times I remember walking through this place

And I can picture her sitting quiet, alone, eyes shut

She was beyond, wandering in solitude.

And she opened her lips and sang. She sang to God.

She sang without looking around for anyone to hear.

She sang without a pulpit. She just sang.

And that struck me deeply.

This one had gotten it right.

She knew who she was.

And how I wanted to be on the other side.

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September 9, 2022

Two louses

Jealousy comes in two forms.

Two types of louses suffocating and sucking off sense of worth.

Our first louse took her time getting here.

Oiled and beguiling.

She likes the finer things, but none of her finery is real.

The one who looks in the mirror and can’t stop looking

The one who says:

“I want my lips done.”

“I want my chest done.”

“I want my eyes done.”

“I want my butt done.”

“What job can you give me that will unmake me?”

This louse flaunts around hating and wanting the beauty next to it.

She covets everything except what she already has.

And she spends un-endingly and beyond means.

Magical creams that make her 10 years younger.

Ever heard of Jack and the Beanstalk?

Stave off time. Heck, stop time.

Isn’t marketing wonderful?

She craves nothing more than when she was 20.

But when she was 20, all she wanted was to look not like herself.

Nails, hair extensions, butt lifts, facelifts, injections…

These jeans will make everyone envy you.

Jealousy in excess, and she tells you she loves you…

While throwing daggers with her eyes.

Now, let’s not leave the other louse behind.

She’s so jealous she hides it behind her cracked mirror

But she’s still looking

All

the

time.

She’s still wanting and coveting.

But she’s the kind of louse that tells everyone

“If I can’t have it then neither can you.”

She’s baggy and bulging.

She’s walking around pretending to be humble.

The worst kind of fake.

She’ll scoff if she sees another doing “self care”?

She’ll roll her eyes if you look “good” at the grocery store

If you look decent in public.

If you try to dress your best.

Looking presentable won’t do.

It hurts her feelings.

Yes, this louse, she can’t handle otherness.

Misery loves company.

And if you’re elevated above her flip flops and tent of a t-shirt

Then you’re the problem.

You’re ruining her self-esteem.

This louse will make sure that everyone is a blob.

And no man can see anyone’s beauty while she reigns.

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