if it quirks..

then, I have done my job
August 9, 2022

When the Night is Dark Around

I believe in angels and demons.

There was a time when I was young

I had a recurring dream

Late in the night

Pitch black room

Fan whirring

Sister inhaling and exhaling

Her breaths even and peaceful

Not mine.

My eyes were staring

At my covers pulled tight over my head

Only my little nose sticking out

To breathe, of course.

But you know how we tell ourselves those lies

To keep things at bay?

If I cover my head, they won’t know I’m here.

It won’t know I’m here.

It won’t find me, just think I’m some inanimate lump.

But not this time.

I to this day remember

Some dark, shapeless, languid shape,

like a man with no bones,

Sliding up to the window

From the outside

And slithering paper thin through the window.

Pale eyes and paler fangs

I couldn’t scream

Because I was paralyzed

Watching this thing making it’s way across the carpeted floor.

Making it’s way to me.

Silence, stealth and absolute terror swelled inside the room.

Closer and closer

And then I just started praying.

Clasping my hands together and praying as hard as I could.

Hail Mary

full of grace

the Lord is with you

Blessed are you among women

And blessed is the fruit of your womb

Holy Mary, Mother of GOD

Pray for us sinners

Now and at the hour of our death.

I prayed that over and over and over

I didn’t pause.

Screwed my eyes shut and kept on praying

Asking for peace of mind

Asking for it to go away

Asking for sleep to take me into a swift blissful nothing

Take me away from this darkness.

I don’t know when I fell asleep.

But I remember seeing bright sentinel figures holding torches

Around my bed.

Shoulder to shoulder stoic figures that didn’t speak or move.

But they were there and they kept watch through the night.

I drifted away.

And for that I believe.

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July 6, 2022

July Hot Take: Warm Soda is Your New Crush

Photo by Erik Mclean on Pexels.com

Unpopular Opinion:

Warm soda is better than soda on ice.

Room temperature drinks in general are better than drinks on ice.

First, ice is overdone in drinks anyway. You go to a restaurant and order a drink, which comes with a glass mostly of ice with some drizzle of syrupy soda. Pay $3.00 + for a glass of sugary water. No thanks.

Second, for those with sensitive teeth, my heart goes out to you. The ice just makes the pop sting and throb against your pearly whites and gums.

Third, ice dilutes a perfectly fine pop. You lose the integrity of the libation. The point was to drink something sweet and satisfying, not sort of flavored, off-color water.

Fourth, your hand won’t get cold holding the can or the bottle. ‘nough said

Fifth, save the ice for real things that need to be cold, like beer or ice cream.

❣️

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June 8, 2022

The Family Thorns

Do you believe that family wounds pass on through generations?

Frank was 20 when he took his life. Nobody speaks of him.

Selma hated pictures of herself so much that she would scratch out her face.

June was basically an orphan caught between two warring worlds of Swedish Lutherans and Irish Catholics.

And let’s be honest, there really isn’t that much difference between those two denominations.

It’s funny the differences people choose to magnify.

Her Swedish aunties took the helm and doted on her.

The Cullens would have nothing to do with her.

Robert and Mary knew how to have a good time and forget it all in a fog of liquor,

Including their youngest child ailing with scarlet fever.

They went out one night to party and came home to a blind child whose fever had taken his sight.

Despite them, he went on to become a talented pianist who hosted his own jazz program on the radio.

Jo has always been jealous, and she had three daughters to bring down with her spite.

God gave her an opportunity to change her green with envy heart for something warmer toned –

The chance to love her daughters and bring them up with confidence.

But she chose throwing tantrums, hiding in her room when she didn’t get her way, and leaving her children to wonder what they did wrong.

Norm was an alcoholic, but he sobered up in favor of cigarettes.

Then, he sobered up from the tobacco to take up gardening and car remodeling.

I can remember the smoke clouds choking the back porch at Mia and Papa’s when we arrived in the summer.

To this day, I find tobacco smoke comforting. Don’t smoke personally, but secondhand smoke doesn’t bother me one bit.

Wanda and Ray had Norm; but nobody knows what happened to Ray. Skipped town?

Norm knew Joe as his dad, but it was far from paternal. Far from filial.

They lived next door to one another for years and never spoke, built up hedge walls, warred about nonsense, and cut each other out of their lives.

Cut the rest of us out, too. At least they kept the hedge trimmed and clipped.

Mom says I met Wanda when I was a baby. I have no memory of her.

I certainly have no memory of Big Joe because Papa described him lovingly as a SOB the day Big Joe died.

Sometimes I wonder if jealousy is a family trait.

I wonder if I am self-conscious because of people who slashed their own image or never grew up in a house with a mother who really cared.

But I also don’t believe in blaming the past for the present – not 100% at least.

People have choices and personal responsibility is paramount.

But sometimes I wonder and sometimes I feel haunted with wondering about all these family thorns.

❣️

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May 5, 2022

It’s gonna be May

My family has a thing for naming their kids months of the year;

But the kid happens to be born in a different month.

My great-grandmother’s name was June.

Born July 1.

I think she might have been just a hair late.

My cousin named her child June, too.

After June born in July.

Except this June was born in May.

My nephew’s name is August.

Guess when he’s born?

July.

My sister claims they just liked the name.

But the trend does make me marvel.

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April 27, 2022

Not red

Went to a poetry reading.

It was also a “competition”

A competition where

Everyone gets a pat on the back or an honorable mention

because art is subjective and beauty is in the eye of the beholder

or the ear of the listener in this case

//

They were haikus

I love haikus; that’s why I wanted to listen

But after listening to some girl whine in 5-7-5

about how “Chad” didn’t like her chow mein

//

I had heard enough

Every haiku was whining

Silence followed all

//

The air broken only by sparse claps across the metallic benches

And the winner?

Well there were two teams

Red

and

Not Red….

Teams were represented by flags

A red flag and a white flag

Guess which one was “not red”?

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March 20, 2022

If…then why?

If the world is ending

then why do we keep doing the same things we’ve always done?

Grocery shop, commute to work, drop the kids off at school…

If the world is overpopulated

then why are there no young people having kids and we’re in a fertility crisis?

Soon enough, we’ll have a dying population with ghost towns of old selfish, grumpy people with 0 legacy..

If we’re so progressive

then why are girls sucking fake ears on camera for those dollar bills and attention?

or boys play games and want a blow up doll rather than the real thing

or nobody cares about the good of the other anymore…it’s all about number 1.

Makes me sick and bloated.

If….then…why?

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February 28, 2022

H A N D S Y

I had this dream that really shook me.

My family were all huddled in a home hiding from the bombs outside.

No one dared breathe.

There was a knock at the door and the harsh, halting call of the military police: “Send them out. “

Tiffany and I were forced outside the door.

Yes, Tiffany was in the dream randomly.

The rest of my family waited tensely.

The police officer started questioning us.

“What are you doing?Whyareyouinside?Whoareallthesepeople?”

Everything he said sounded garbled like he was speaking underwater.

Far away. Far, far away.

Tiffany and I kept stone-y faced and answered with as few words as possible.

I honestly can’t remember anything other than watching Tiffany across from me, the officer between us questioning.

I was staring at it.

What it was made my jaw almost drop to the floor.

I wanted to scream. I could only scream with my eyes.

Staring up from the floor was something I had never seen in my life.

A severed head of a woman, eyes wide, staring back at us. Two arms sprouted from her head, splayed out on the floor like a spider.

A tongue flickered in and out of her face slowly.

Her wide eyes rolled up to Tiffany, and it crawled toward her. Using her hands as a springboard, she trampolined off the floor and landed on Tiffany’s head.

Tiffany didn’t bat an eye. The officer continued speaking at Tiffany, and she was answering…as far as I knew.

The handsy woman ruffled Tiffany’s hair, pulled, jawed her skull, pretend clipped her hair.

And I could do nothing. Could say nothing. The grilling from the officer continued. Tiffany stood as if nothing was happening.

Then, handsy noticed, stopped, noticed me.

She slithered down Tiffany and crawled toward me.

I was wearing a nightgown and as she passed beneath it, I could feel her pause, eyes rolling over my bare legs, staring at the between.

I felt cold hands grasp my ankles, fingers clawing their way up my legs.

Then, the hands morphed into poniards, grappling into my shoulder blades.

Warm, sliming breath on my neck. And then, sharp bite, suctioning to my shoulder in the part where you can’t reach the itch.

I didn’t move. If I did, I knew the military man would do far worse to me, Tiffany and the rest. Tiffany knew that, too.

This was the test.

How far would we let handsy woman sink her teeth in?

Then, I woke up.

I saw an anime a few days later with a demon character who looked the same as handsy.

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January 9, 2022

Blemish – here for it

There are a lot of people who watch Dr. Pimple Popper, and I’m one of them.

I’m here for it.

I’m here for the satisfaction of getting all the nasty out of pimples, cysts, blackheads, papules, pustules, and lipomas.

It might gross people out, but I think it’s way more gross to carry that stuff around under your skin.

Not to mention that it spreads or grows if untreated.

I think what I enjoy most is that it changes the way a person sees themselves.

It certainly changes the way I see them.

I see them suffering or hiding themselves because they feel so unnatural.

And there’s nothing natural about it.

But, I have an even deeper reason. I like to see impurities go away.

Especially if it’s on me.

The moment I feel a pimple forming under my skin, I am rubbing cream and witch hazel all over it.

I want to make that sucker come to the surface, so I can squeeze the living daylights out of it.

I don’t like pimples one bit. So, I squeeze them as soon as I can.

I know that dermatologists like Dr. Lee would advise otherwise, but that’s not how I roll.

Those suckers are coming out, whether it’s an easy white pustule or a deeper blackhead.

I will force them out ASAP.

Eviction notice posted.

I’m here for it.

I don’t know if this is an obsession with perfection or liking the idea of purifying myself.

I just like removing pimples from my body.

It stings a little at first, but afterwards, I feel my skin breathe.

And that is something beautiful.

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November 19, 2021

Orange is the color of love 2

Orange days don’t exist, but for a moment in our brisk time. A moment, seconds, minutes, eons, weeks; nobody knows and nobody counts; we’re too enraptured when it happens. You know what they are – not when skies are burning red with flames against them. They happen when skies are burning orange, yellow, red, peach, rose, sherbet, blue, purple, coral – as the sun sinks like an anchor into wherever the sun goes to bed. Must be a nice place. That’s an orange day, vibrant yet subdued, and it is an eternity.

And we look upon it like an everlasting candied Crush in hand, slurping it down, engulfing the taste buds, washing over the throat, engorging the lining of our stomach and intestines with true fizzing and bubbles that pop back up over the tongue and through the teeth.

Yes, orange is the color of love. Can’t you remember eating spaghetti-os shamelessly smearing the yellow-orange canned goodness all over your chin? That was good stuff – simple – but g.o.o.d. And there was nothing complicated or overdone about it.

Don’t you remember watching a goldfish swim and wondering if it really is all that bad to have a memory that lasts upwards of 30 seconds max? What wouldn’t we give to forget some things. Be blissful; I guess a goldfish’s life is a constant orange day.

What I wouldn’t give for that eternal moment of “orange days” when I wish for better days, but everything is actually fine. And I am side-by-side with the one who makes my insides curl and calm at the same time. Yes, cocooned like a ball of orange fur on a windowsill with sweet citrus blossoming in the air.

Orange is the color of love –

alive,

congruent,

complimentary,

vibrant,

real,

giving,

warm,

truthful,

unabashed,

unashamed,

undaunted,

wary,

divine,

daring,

outermost,

innermost,

close,

large,

small,

biting,

bitter,

burning,

dreadful,

eternal,

graceful,

grateful.

🧡

October 15, 2021

Orange is the color of love

An excerpt from the movie Amelie

“Mado my dear, your absence gets more painful every day.

I’m in exile in a grey world. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.”

“I made the biggest mistake by accepting this training course

” that will keep me away from my wife for weeks.

I think of you all the time. Your Adrien.”

“I gave up the money of my last commission

” in order to make up for resigning so abruptly.

“I catch myself dreaming of better days.

“Orange days. Do you remember, Madeleine my love ?

Your Adrien who’s always loved you so much.”

“Good news. I’ll soon be able to afford a car.

“That way I’ll be able to come home every day.

“In the meantime, I hope you’ll come over Friday night

and that we’ll go out, the two of us.”

—

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