if it quirks..

then, I have done my job
September 17, 2021

Procrastination : OFF

Definition

transitive verb: to put off intentionally and habitually

intransitive verb: to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done

History and Etymology for procrastinate

Latin procrastinatus, past participle of procrastinare, from pro- forward + crastinus of tomorrow, from cras tomorrow

“Fun” Fact

Like its synonyms “delay,” “lag,” “loiter,” “dawdle,” and “dally,” “procrastinate” means to move or act slowly so as to fall behind. It typically implies blameworthy delay especially through laziness or apathy.

Turning away from the “waiting game”

I am a procrastinator. I have to to fight against this habit of character every single day. In all honesty, I really despise it. I am the type of person who is so laid back and easy going. While this is a good characteristic for something like weekend plans with friends, it is not a good characteristic for serious life situations like paying your rent on time.

And I am in a constant battle with myself to fight the urge of apathy, lethargy and the mentality of “it can wait until tomorrow”.

I used to be 100% in the camp of “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate”. Indeed, when I went away to college, I found a Facebook group (when Facebook was not monetized and groups were just for meeting people) that was called “Procrastinators of Tomorrow” or something along those lines. As a doe-eyed 18-year-old, I was excited to join this group and post randomly on the group feed about putting off homework, then spending “all-nighters” in the library to write a 5-page essay.

This was only the beginning though.

It was worse. As a young collegiate, my parents told me not to wait to do important “adult” things in order to avoid the consequences of paying fees or working double.

I literally put off opening a bank account because I didn’t want to go and talk to a person in the bank. About two weeks into my freshman year at college, my mother was calling me to check in. During the chat, she casually inquired about my bank account and had I deposited the money she gave me, etc.

I sheepishly admitted that I had not gone yet, but I would do it tomorrow. In true mother hen fashion (and I mean this in a positive tone – a caring parent is nothing to jab at), she emphatically demanded that I march over to the bank at that moment, open an account, and deposit the money.

Of course, as a young adult I took this as nagging and uninteresting. But, I did it…eventually. It really wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be or uncomfortable.

And there is the heart of my problem at times.

I find myself thinking that if something seems too difficult or time consuming, I should put it off until tomorrow. Expending energy is too much work. I can’t believe I have these thoughts, but I actually have them. This makes me wonder if the core of procrastination begins with a lack of motivation or even belief in self. Is this where laziness comes from?

Is it really a matter of ‘I’m too tired; I’ll do it later’? OR is it deeper? I don’t think I can do this or that it is worthwhile to put that much effort into it, so I’ll forego it until tomorrow (i.e. I probably will never get to this).

Let me be clear – I am no doctor or any qualified professional on procrastination. However, studies seem to back up this theory on reasons why people procrastinate. I only have my own personal experiences to make such claims and a limited amount of research. I don’t know if that is the universal answer for people who are chronic procrastinators, but I think that my procrastination and laziness stems from insecurity in my own abilities.

While this fact haunts me and makes me ashamed, I know that it is good to name something for what it is. “Admitting you have a problem is the first step.”

So, what am I gonna do about it? For me, switching procrastination to “off” is about being intentional and forming a system.

Deactivating procrastination is more than “flipping a switch”

It’s easy to say that you’re going to wake up and run a mile at 6:30 am to prepare for an upcoming 5K. It’s much harder to put that in practice, especially if you are a chronic procrastinator.

I truly admire people who are organized, use planners, make lists, set goals and take initiative. That is not me. I have to work very hard to be and practice all of those habits.

And that is where deactivation begins – with mindfulness.

I HAVE to make myself do all of the things I say I am going to do AND stick to them. Let me tell you, procrastination has won more times than I can count, but I keep forming better habits everyday.

Here are seven ways to be intentional in forming a system to prevent procrastination:

  • Make a list – Make your goal tangible; make it something you HAVE TO cross off a list. If it’s something simple like cleaning your bathroom mirror once a week, write it down in a place you cannot avoid seeing it staring at you. This will help keep you accountable.
  • Set mini-goals/milestones – Some goals are so big, like singing at an open mic or running a marathon. Set pit stops and checkpoints for yourself along the way.
  • Get an accountability partner – Procrastination often comes with a disproportionate sense of independence and “do it yourself” attitude, which lends itself to a posture of getting things done later since you have no one to answer to. Accountability can remedy this. Share your struggles with others and ask for help. Ask a trusted friend, a parent, sibling, partner, teacher, mentor, coach to keep you in check, remind you of your “duty”, or work with you on your goal. An accountability partner can be a great cheerleader and example.
  • Adopt the mantra “do it now” – If something is going to take 5 minutes to do, then do it then and there. Do not hesitate. If it came to mind, then it is obviously something valuable, important or necessary. Don’t give your brain or body time to talk you out of an opportunity to get something done.
  • Develop systems – Studies have shown that it takes between 18-254 days to develop a habit. That’s a large margin! Real talk, procrastinators would probably fall on the further end of that range around the 250 day marker. Developing systematic changes in behavior takes time, effort, skill and dedication. Be very clear with yourself and what it is you want to accomplish. If you want to clean the tub once a week, then set a specific day, maybe even a time. Time how long it will take you to do it. Put it on your “list”, make it real. Now, it’s something that you must get done. Continue following your system and document progress if applicable. Do what works for you.
  • Planner – If you are the type of person who does well with planners and likes that type of structure, then get a planner, calendar, or other type of organizational media that helps you log progress, etc.
  • Affirm yourself – Yes, be your own cheerleader. Affirmations help you take a step towards self-reliance and “switching off procrastination”. Whether you have low self-esteem or you don’t feel equipped to reach your goal, tell yourself that you can, that you are valuable, that you have meaning, that you are capable. Hype yourself up; don’t be shy. For the sake of clarity, affirmations should not negate humility. A healthy amount of self-confidence really goes a long way for those who suffer from procrastination.

This list is really only a starter and I am sure there are far more tips out there that can help curb procrastination. I know these are the things that have worked for me on my journey.

Another note: I cannot stress enough that you ought to be gentle on yourself, but also disciplined. This is more than building habits; it’s building character and restructuring how you actually think. As your habits change, so does your mindset. You will learn to appreciate time better, to stay focused, to value what you do and who you are, to be active and take initiatives. Whether you are procrastinating on something simple like washing the dirty dishes in the sink or something larger like jumpstarting your freelance cleaning business, you will achieve these goals with measured mindfulness.

So, bear that in mind as you embark on flipping procrastination to “off”.

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August 21, 2021

The useless web

I felt bored.

Even though I have a book to read, which I read a chapter of…I didn’t want to continue reading. It was even at the really good part – the END!

I had a nap, but I was still bored.

I watched him play Zelda…still bored.

I needed some inspiration to write because my brain was mushy.

So, where could I turn?

That’s right.

The good ol’ interwebs.

This place is infinite and boundless.

I did a generic search – “find something random”

And what should pop up, but this website. 💎

Trust me…it’s worth it. Way better than social media black holes and much more surprising, in a good way.

Image | October 4, 2020
white clouds and blue sky

I gave you the sky and everything underneath it I gave you the sky and all that walks underneath it I gave you the sky and all that swims underneath it I gave you the sky and all that blooms under it I gave you the sky and all that breathes under it I gave […]

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October 3, 2020

Blotglot: The peanut gallery

When you are a writer, whether it is copywriting or technical writing or freelancing, one of the things you will deal with is criticism.

Everybody else can write it better.

Everybody else is a better writer.

Everybody is a critic.

—

If you are a copywriter, you write content for marketing purposes.  You write words that sell.  That’s your job.  So, criticism is expected from your clients and even welcomed.  Clients are, after all, paying you to write for them.  The work should be producing results.

Most clients will give you feedback that is helpful and even worth you knowing.  You catalog that in your list of facts to know about the client and build upon it for your next piece of work for them.  That is fine and dandy.  That is valuable critique.

HOWEVER, there is always that one client who is never satisfied; who can write it better; who is, apparently, a writer themselves.

But the problem is they are not.

They think that they make the copy better or they add way too much where it’s unnecessary and harmful to the conversion of the piece.  Or their grammar is a nightmare and a half.

Once you get their corrections back, it is nothing close to what you initially wrote.  Gah, they wrote an essay when this is an email newsletter.

These are the people who do not actually understand writing for marketing purposes.  Yet, they may be extremely knowledgeable about the topic or the product.  They can be a great source for input and inspiration, but not so much for the writing.  Or they are simply a smidge big headed.  Perhaps a combination of the two.

What’s a writer to do?

Copywriting is tricky.  You really can’t tell your client, “Thanks, but no thanks for this mumbo-jumbo.  Now, I have to start from the top again.”

Instead, you receive their email titled “Feedback” or “Corrections” and you cringe.  You know it is only a mountain of redundancy you will have to fix.  You know it is only back-tracking.  To put it bluntly, it is wasted time, effort and productivity.

You go to your coordinator or boss and ask them to politely mention to the client in the next meeting that you recommend doing XYZ for the [insert name] project.  Or you make little comments in the text with your input and “advise” this or that.

Then, you huff about it out loud to your computer screen and cry to your co-workers.

These are the types of clients who make you wonder why you write at all.  Why did I even try on this piece? 

But here’s the thing.  As a writer, you have to be grateful for those annoying hits at the end of the day.  Honestly, every kind of feedback can make you a better writer.  Also, it helps you to understand your craft better and to learn how to deal with customers or clients with unreasonable expectations.

Besides, that customer is the one paying for your services.  All you can do is suggest and let them know you are trying to help them be successful.  If they are not big enough to take your recommendations or they are too proud of their own “expertise” to take feedback themselves, then it is their loss.  At the end of the day, they paid you to do your job.  You did your job.  If the content does not achieve it’s goals, then you can say (in your head, of course), “Told you so.”

—

A peanut gallery is annoying and frustrating, but they will help you grow.  Focus on your craft and be the writer.

Breathe.  Remind yourself not everybody is a writer, even when they think they are.  But let them have their moment.  Roll your eyes and just keep writing.

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June 8, 2020

Blemish – “Teacher, ugly.”

They say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.  Or does it all boil down to cultural standards for beauty?  In this story, the skin you’re in is a blemish in the eye of the beholder- literally.

ESOL teachers are the people who see the world through rose-tinted glasses.  We imagine that going to a far-flung place, experiencing the culture, learning from the people, eating the food and traveling all over make us enlightened and culturally savvy.

What you don’t expect is some obscure backlash; maybe you imagine some, but it never happens the way you think it will in your head.  Cultural shock is no joke for global travelers, especially ESOL teachers.  For the most part, your experience is positive, but there’s always an asinine moment or two that can make you pine for home.

–

Freshly graduated. Twenty-one-years-old.  A deep appreciation (slightly obsessive) for Asian culture, in particular, Korean culture.  What else was I supposed to do after graduation?  Teach ESOL in South Korea, of course! 

One of the first things you note about people in South Korea is that sameness and continuity are ingrained in the people.  This is neither bad nor good, it simply is a fact.  It is hard not to notice how people have very similar physical characteristics – barring face shape and other minute details. 

Hair color, eye shape, general skin tone and overall body shape and size.  These qualities are, for the most part, shared across the board. 

What do they prize though in beauty standards? 

First of all, I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing someone compliment me on how small my face was and how big my eyes were.  It was not uncommon for people, Korean women in particular, to have surgeries to make their faces smaller or their eyes larger. 

Second, clean, unblemished, milky skin is the beauty standard hands down.  People bleach their skin, wear all manner of creams and powders, bust out umbrellas in full-sunlight and will go fully covered to the beach.  Tanned skin is undesirable as it is a sign of working in the fields or causes wrinkles.  I don’t know all the reasons, but I do know that pale, unblemished, smooth skin is the standard of beauty in South Korea.  People do their utmost to keep their skin super clean and perfect looking – absolute porcelain. 

Enter the little American with freckles everywhere.  My arms and face are particularly freckled.  Otherwise, I’m pretty white.  However, no one ever commented on my freckles when I was in Korea. 

One day, I arrived at my rural Korean grade school to teach English in the countryside.  At this point, it was all still so romantic to me.

I happened to be wearing no sweater and my arms were uncovered.  Upon entering the classroom, I noted that today was second graders.  “Oh, so sweet, so fun, so cute,” I thought to myself.

They were having some free time before class started – just playing here and there.

My co-teacher and I were standing at the front chatting when a small boy approached.

“Ugh, they are so cute!” Thought I again, beaming at this small child.

He came forward, shyly to me and the other teacher.  He addressed me in the best English he could muster, gesturing to my be-speckled arm.

“Teacher, what is?”

I said, “These?  They are freckles.”  I pointed proudly to them, because to be honest, I always got compliments on my freckles.  I was expecting him to nod in wonder or something.

He did nod.  Then he looked up at me still pointing to my arm and said, “Teacher, UGLY.”

Then, he skipped away smirking.

I was in shock.  My co-teacher was chuckling at his cheek because to her he was a silly child just making a joke to get close to the English teacher.  But I was a little taken aback by it all.  I had never considered my freckles to be ugly.  Now, I was in a place where my skin and the little melanin spots it produced was considered hideous.

What a revelation.

My freckles are blemishes to these people.  I never imagined it would happen to me, but someone told me my skin was ugly.

I was an adult, but it still stung a bit.  That might have been the first time that I was awake to the idea that cultural shock is not always positive.  That day the rose-tinted glasses came off.

 

 

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May 22, 2020

Irish Eyes and Chopsticks

Small faces

that’s what they want

Big eyes

that’s what they covet

My wild Irish eyes could

take you by surprise

Feeling tall  –  all

Bowing low  –  oh

Crowds across seas

that I have yet to

feel a part of

Feeling tall  –  all, all, all

Bowing low  –  oh, oh, oh

Freckles on my skin

“Ugly,” they said

Thick hair and thighs

“Stop eating,” they said

But the chopsticks fit so good

between my fingers.

They marvel surprised

Feeling small  –  all

Bowing low  –  oh

Crowds across seas

that I have yet to

feel a part of.

Feeling small  –  all, all, all

Bowing low  –  oh, oh, oh

Irish eyes and

here we are

holding chopsticks

and poking at my

tall, thick thighs

lies, highs, whys

How many ways can

you use chopsticks?

Poke my eyes to have

Poke my skin to banish the freckles

Poke my thighs so they won’t bloat

Feeling tall

Bowing low

Feeling small

Bowing low

Bowing low

Bowing low

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May 19, 2020

Blemish – S O S A T I S F Y I N G

I am not the only one who finds popping pimples satisfying.

Some people like watching paint slide evenly in glossy ribbons of smooth color to coat a surface and dry in one complete glass-like sheen.  That is satisfying; I’ll give you that.

Some prefer perfect florets of icing precisely blooming on the top of a dozen or more cupcakes like a perfectly cloned meadow.  That is sweet.

But pimples. Ugh. There is something so incredibly and inexplicably satisfying about popping them, about seeing them popped, about feeling the insides extinguish from exhausted skin; I could go on.

I love once it’s out to marvel that such a small bit of nasty caused such havoc on my skin. My skin literally threw a fit and went haywire over this small granular dirt or oil or whatever.

I even like getting pimples out of other people – namely my husband.  He doesn’t understand my fascination.  The problem with him is that his pain threshold is literally 0.  He whines and moans when I have to “use my nails”.  He will wait to let the pimples get nasty, white and raised.  Even then, I have to remind him to take care of them in the shower.  He complains when his pimples bleed after being extracted.

What do I think of that?

Cowardice.

I would like to tell him to get over himself.  I would like to say try bleeding from between your legs once a month and balling up in the fetal position.  Try giving birth.  Try having people bombard you with new products to enhance or un-enhance certain aspects of your body.  But that would be feminist and nagging.  So I hold my tongue.

Back to pimple popping.

It’s amazing.

It’s incredible how wonderful it feels to get that gunk out of your skin.  It’s like a release.  Your skin can breathe again.  You don’t feel dirty or painful pricks when the skin is touched or brushed against.  Pimples are brutally painful if left to themselves.  And they like to spread, which is why I think it’s important to get them out of your skin.

But I think my real satisfaction comes from removing something that is not supposed to be there.  Something that isn’t actually part of me – that is causing pain and malformation.  Also, I just don’t feel clean with pimples.  They gross me out.  Maybe there’s something to analyze here.  I’m sure there’s a therapist out there who would love to psycho-analyze me or anyone else who takes literal joy in removing pimples.

Yes, I actively look for them to remove them.  And oh the pinch can smart, but the squeeze and juicy outpouring of skin garbage is …

…

S O  S A T I S F Y I N G

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May 17, 2020

Blemish

Eyes wide open

Groggy, groggy, groggy

Yawn

Stretch, stretch…..S T R E T C H

And I rub my eye

And I rub my chin

Then the mirror puts things into perspective

It’s like zoning in on a target

I can’t take my eyes off of it

“Neither will others”, says my interior.

White. Bulbous. Swollen. Inflamed.

Right there underneath my nose – that cliff in the middle of my facial landscape

Just above my lip – that canyon where all things flow

I flinch because I know it’s gonna sting

That space between the cliff and the canyon is so delicate and tender –

soft turf that pains one to trample on

It has to go – S Q U A R E D  S H O U L D E R S

Now, I am awake. Wide awake and ready to go into action.

Into battle.

My weapons?

Two crescent scythes attached to my fingers – those excavators of my world

Here comes the first charge

S Q U E E Z E –

 

 

 

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September 3, 2019

#tbt – 6.18.15 Thursday

I dream in pink and red
Pink like your gums and the 
palms of your hands. 

Red like your tongue-popsicle 
stained-Red like the blood just 
protected by a few skin cell layers; 
red like cheeks and rashes on babies' cheeks

I dream in yellow, and I am 
restless because light keeps 
me awake. 

I dream in shades of blue 
with turquoise jungle drops.  I imagine 
that shooting an arrow like an 
Amazon is most likely a dream. 

I dream in black, and I know
it's a good dream because I 
have no recollection of it.

 

 

 

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May 31, 2019

Literacy

“To know things, for us to know things, is bad for them. We get to wanting and when we get to wanting it’s bad for them. They thinks we want what they got . . . . That’s why they don’t want us reading.”
― Gary Paulsen, Nightjohn

In the book “Nightjohn”, an escaped slave, Nightjohn, teaches a young girl, Sarny, to read and write.  The story not only highlights the harrowing story of slavery in America, but it takes a stance on the importance of literacy.  Nightjohn teaches Sarny something that her white master would never want her to know.  Nightjohn gives Sarny the ability to learn and to know.  When she does, she has power.  Reading is empowering.  Writing is empowering.  The book Nightjohn is a testament to that.  Yet, this power seems to be a lost skill in our culture.

But why do we live in a society that turns its nose to reading? Why is there a deficit in our society of reading and writing?  Why don’t kids want to read?  Trust me, I know.  I am an English teacher in a 6th and 7th grade classroom.  On the daily, I hear kids say, “I hate reading”.  Why don’t people want to learn to read, I wonder to myself. I marvel at the number of kids who spend their time staring at their screens and taking selfies of themselves.  They can barely see past their own self.  How are they supposed to relate to others?

When I think about reading, it makes me thankful for the gift we have as humans.  It is one of the things that sets us apart from the rest of the birds and beasts.  Another point is that reading and writing are skills that help me to learn and to know.  People can share ideas and opportunities through reading and writing.  Change occurs; movements sweep nations; people rise up.

For example, in the 1500s, the world was very different.  The common person was unable to read or write.  Usually, the people who were reading and writing were the monks in the remote monasteries carefully copying down the Bible.  Mass was said in Latin, and there were no hymnals.  People simply listened to the scriptures.  There were no other books, but the Bible available to the people living in Europe at that time.  The lords, nobles, kings, and church officials of the time were able to control the population easily in this way.  When everyone is being told that they will be taken care of and this is what the book says, etc, well there is no way for anyone to deny it.  People were easily ruled because of the lack of literacy.  ENTER THE PRINTING PRESS AND MODERN LANGUAGE!

People started to develop their own languages and to record them.  Monks in monasteries began to print bibles in the vernacular of the people from their region.  The people started to print materials other than the Bible.  A young German monk named Martin Luther was one of those people.  He was studying the bible and translating it from Latin to German.  As he translated it, he realized that there were things written in the Bible that did not match up with the teachings at the time of the Catholic Church.  Luther was enraged at the corruption and the lack of piety from the church officials.  He composed and posted his 95 Theses, which he famously tacked to the Wittenburg Castle church.  Luther had started a movement — the Protestant Revolution.

Whether you agree or disagree with what happened after Luther posted his 95 Theses, the point is that he did something magnificent in questioning the status quo.  He was able to spread the word quickly because of writing!  The ideas that he posted caught fire throughout Europe.  He shared ideas.  The ability to read and write was so integrative to moving society forward out of the dark ages – out of oppression.

Literacy is essential to the survival of our free world.  If you can read, you can do anything.  I tell my students that all the time.  I tell them that reading is the most important thing that they can learn.  Think about it. It doesn’t matter if you are interested in other subjects – you have to be able to read to understand them.  You must read to understand science, math, history, art, music, politics, computers, and so on.

Literacy allows people to communicate, to share, to connect, and to form their own opinion.  But above all, it keeps us informed –informed about whatever we are interested in.  Nobody can own you or hold you down and tell you what is what until you can verify it yourself. Be literate.  Be free.

 

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